May 30, 2016

What is love, love?
Is it you and I, sharing lips under the scenery of the bluish sky?
If I told you I loved you would it be true to lie?
I’ll let you decide, I’ll let you decide

Converse Wedding

Speeches of Love

 

 

I don’t think there is ever great words to describe how we met, what I thought and what I felt when you crash landed in my life. I write a lot, I feel a lot, and I say a lot when my emotions overwhelm me but somehow with you, I am at a lost. I can never put the words in the right order or say exactly the emotion I am feeling when I am around you. Its such a mixture and to narrow it down to one would be a horrible way to describe us, let alone you.

We met unexpectedly. Instant bond and connection. Something about the way you loved me for me and you treated me like a queen astounded me. Hell, you were crazy though, still are. You and I, we are fireworks of emotions and missed communications but somehow in all our chaos there is peace. There is love. There is happiness. I love you.

You are everything that I want and more and though our relationship has not been easy it has been worth it. I want to show the world this man I got for my own self. All mine. I’m smiling in the middle of my own darkness because you are my moon. I married yet again. To a wonderful man. I’m healing my scars. I’m healing my heart.

 

 

**To my amazing husband**

Scars To Your Beautiful…

She prays to be sculpted by the sculptor
Oh, she don’t see the light that’s shining
Deeper than the eyes can find it
Maybe we have made her blind
So she tries to cover up her pain and cut her woes away
Cause covergirls don’t cry after their face is made

I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I look in your eyes and I hate what you see. I look at my reflection in the rain puddle in my backyard and I stomp on the face that it shows me.

I hate myself.

I’ve come to learn how to hate all the bits and pieces of myself throughout the years. Society has taught me how to not feel and how to not be satisfied with who I am. Men have confused me by seducing my body but not my mind.

I hurt myself.

The only way that has made sense in my head to love myself is those quick fiery nights, a swig of the bottle that never leaves my side and the power I have to satisfy others thirst. I love myself when others “love” my body but not my core.

I hate myself.

Lovesong…

Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

What would you call this train of thought? All I can do is think of you every second, every minute of the day. What would you say if I told you that I’m falling for you and you don’t even know it. What would you do if only you knew…?

The fact of the matter is that even if you knew, you would not do a damn thing. This thing that we do, those nights that we had, all these memories are just haunting me constantly. I can’t give myself again, no, not to another. You have me wrapped around your finger.

You don’t even love me. You don’t even miss me. You don’t even appreciate the fact that I am still here for you despite of your hazardous ways. Its toxic, being with you, friends or not, its always toxic. Because you do not see what is in front of you. You do not value this heart.

Remember the night under the stars, next to the crashing waves, and we had just been in the middle of a moment. I asked you what song reminded you of me, and this song played and you looked up at me and smile and said, “This one. This one is for you.” And I foolishly believed it. I ignored my right mind and followed my heart that beat hope.

Bitter Pill…

I guess I played my cards too late
Cause now my body can’t take the weight
And once we flew so high, oh
But now I’m afraid to fly, oh oh oh

My breath hitches as I say your name…not that long ago your piercing eyes were watching me, staring right through the lies, the hurt, and the past mistakes. You were staring at me, daring me to make the first move. You were watching me, glancing back and forth from my eyes to my lips. Kiss me.

The nervous knot I get at the bottom of my stomach when you stand right behind me, hands to waist. Dig in your fingers into my soft flesh, grasp my hips tight, pull me in close to you. I close my eyes, I want to feel this moment. My back against yours, solid. Your lips tantalizing me as you softly brush them on my neck, aroused.

You make the smiles that come to my face form quite easily, just as well, you make the tears that flow down my face come just as often. The feel of your lips kissing me down, your hands roaming my skin, bare. Want me. You take control, dominate, you show me what you know and you give it in such a manner that makes me loose control. Love me.

Crazy In Love…

‘Cuz I know I don’t understand,
Just how your love can do what no one else can.

I keep on thinking about how your touch set me on fire. Just one look and you filled my desire. It was lust and love all at the same time. It was want and give just you and I. You set my soul alive each time you whispered my name into my ear. I could feel every sense in my body heighten.

Your ability to make me squirm as you teased the hidden points of my body always left me breathless. I couldn’t think when you kissed me, let alone function when you bit me. Your rough hands tracing the outline of my breast to the side of my hips and down to my thighs and back up around to cup my bottom.

I remember making you groan as I wiggled against you. The heat coming from a special place. The want in me to undress you. We were intoxicated with each other. There was only us and this moment alone. I slip off the dress slowly letting it free fall down my body. The look on your face when you found nothing but my bare skin. Your eyes shone in delight and your mouth curving into hunger to satisfy your manly needs with me.

You would kiss the back of my neck. Then suck on the tip on my breast. You’d trail down my back laying sweet soft kisses and your hands would produce the sweet torture to my need. We’d become one. My hips meeting yours with every thrust. Your firmness in me making me come close to my unravelling. The moan of my name escaping your lips. The way we made love, the simple need of bare skin together. You were intoxicating.

Fire In The Water

Fire in the water
Is the body of our love
Nobody should see this
The freeness of the light

When I close my eyes, its you I wish to see.
When I close my eyes we are behind closed doors.
And the dim light pours out from the closet.
And I can see you looking at me, craving me.

I can only remember how I pulled you closer.
Let my fingers run through your hair.
Tugging so that your lips could be closer to my neck.
And you would kiss, kiss all the spots.

Your arms would wrap around my waist as I rose to meet you.
Your fingers tracing my humble breast and the curve of hips.
I could feel your tremble, I could see your love.
And you’d nimble on my shoulder as you moved in such a way.

It drove me crazy, making me let my head fall back and I’d feel the shivers.
The simple need and want from you rolling off in waves of desire and lust.
We were only humans, satisfying our carnal needs.
And I’d become your lioness, on the prowl for one thing.

Those heated memories of our love making.
The way you felt, giving in to all my needs.
Our heavy breathing mingled together as we drove for more.
And when it all came to an end, the sweet whispers of your words.
Keeping on me that forever smile, just to turn around and let go.